Getting her Number:
The Indirect Approach: Rejection is the number one fear men harbor when it comes to initiating contact with women. It's normal and universal but you can act in spite of it. The only difference between men who succeed and men who don't is practice. With practice and careful attention to body language you can interact with women with some reliable indications of her interest thus greatly reducing rebuffs. But if the thought of a "No" is terrifying to the point of paralysis, deftly slipping her your digits beats doing nothing. It's not a first choice mainly because it's a role reversal and an interested woman may have an adverse reaction. But typically, if done with in a non-cocky, humble and respectful manner, a truly interested woman will call if you ask her to.
The direct approach: Wait until you have all the info you can gather regarding her body language and verbal responses to you. Then, when the time is drawing near for one of you to leave the shared location, make a move. Certainly, many a promising love-connection has short-circuited because of an end of the evening balk. Don't let the window of opportunity slam shut on you.
At good bye (whether it's you or her heading out) you might say: "I have to get going," or "I saw you were leaving" but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to have coffee or dinner some time?"
If she says, "Yes," ask for her number then and there. Be sure to do this in privacy without your buddies, her gal pals, or the hired help in earshot. By asking her in a public setting you may inadvertently corner her into a false-yes only to have her reject you at a later date. Be casual and have a polite response at the ready should she say "No." If after your request, she hesitates, stutters or mumbles anything resembling a demurral, don't repeat your ask or attempt to persuade her, simply offer a, "Nice talking with you. Take care," then exit with dignity.
Don't ever counter a rejection. For instance, if she says, "I'm not sure I have a busy couple of weeks ahead," or "I don't know. I'm kind of seeing someone," say only, "Ok" and leave the area! Don't ask, "What about after next month," or whether or not her relationship is monogamous.
Confusingly, some women simply don't like to give their telephone numbers out to total strangers, even total strangers they find intriguing and attractive, so always have a business card in your wallet to give her yours. I don't give my number out simply because I've had one too many seemingly nice man turn out to be a borderline stalker. I always ask for his number instead when he requests mine. This isn't a rejection at all, but rather a safety measure.
Anything but a clear, yes is a no.
If you truly feel there's some chance in hell she'll change her mind after an initial rejection in which she doesn't request your digits, you might, at most, without discussion, offer her your number with a simple, "If you change your mind, it would be great to hear from you," or "If your schedule frees up, I'd love to get together." Walk away confidently. You never know, you might meet again and you don't want her to remember you as the dejected, slump-shouldered sad-sack who slithered away near tears because she wasn't interested in coffee.
Good luck!
Maya Martin, Relationship Coach
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